The Yellow Light

An poem i published on my other blog on Aug. 9, 2010

Jumpy music sets the beat
Around you all the youthful fire
Running, you’re running
On fumes, on nothing. You’re drained.
Nobody seems to mind or care.
I don’t know why you’re a wallflower…
You got the looks and the smile
All the pretty girls walk by
Curling their hair and sizing you up.
But you don’t even notice.
She’s waiting for you to dance.
Take her hand!
Just a ballad, a soft song.
Let her rest her head against your chest
And hear your heart beat.
Untie your tie and unbutton your jacket
In the parking lot
Leaning against the light post
Bathed in it’s yellow glow
You wonder why you don’t belong.
The dance is over
Everyone comes slowly out
Everyone goes to his or her car
To go home for the night
To go home.
Those girls smile at you
You don’t smile, you feel alone
But a boy walks by
He looks at you
You kind of smile.
Was that a smile?
But did they see you?
They don’t look happy about that.
The yellow light went out.
The light went out.

I Saw the Fire

I saw the fire! I saw it!
I felt its icy flames curl around me.
If the ground beneath me would only give out
I could fall!
But this ground is so solid,
So resistant to variation
That the inferno that rages over it
Covers it in soot, but does nothing
To change its nature.
If only I could fly or fall or die
I wouldn’t have seen that fire.
Say that you care.
Say it!
I want to hear those words come from your mouth.
And though I know they have no foundation
At least my naïve heart will rest.
At least it will rest while the world freezes over
And my thoughts are reluctantly imprinted on time.
Just in time. Just in time.
Before the fire erases my mind.
I’m weak now, but my thoughts are strong.
If only the ground would fall.

You

You never loved me as I loved you
You say otherwise but I know it's true.
And when I start to think of you
I still can't help but smile.

I wonder if you think of me...
If you show a smile I'll never see...
I wonder if I'll ever be
Free of memories of you.

You've moved on and so have I,
But still it almost makes me cry
Knowing that, yes, love can die
If it's not carried right.

I really don't want to remember
Your skin so cold in cold December
Your eyes so bright like burning embers
So deep like the black night sky.

I know I'll never again see you
But I know what we had was true
And now, alone, we'll make it through
Life.

Goodbye Summer

The snow is falling all around you
You can see your breath
The night is growing ever colder
But you aren't scared of death.
The maples have long since shed their leaves
The branches brandish icy spears
You whisper "Why?" into the sky
But you know nobody hears.
The wind picks up and lightning flashes
Such a painful, blinding light
The world so bright for just an instant
Now falls into perpetual night.
You make it up onto the bluff
And look down on the city lights
Yellow orbs wind like a snake
Through the black and white.
You pull your scarf over your mouth
Pull up your hood and look away.
Summer your time is over now!
Winter is here to stay.

The Jasmine

The August breeze
So warm, so humid
Blows through the live oaks
So old, so tired
And dancing, crunching,
All the leaves
Scatter around me
Accross the yard.

I think off all the days
That pass me
All the days that've passed me
As I sat here
As I sit here among
The night-blooming jasmine
Smelling the blossoms, so sweet
While the cicadas cry.

I think of the days
When you were around
When you kept up the roses
And kept up the house
And I think of sharing
A glass of iced tea
With you by the jasmine
But now I'm so alone.

As the sky turns bright red
And then fades to black
I close my eyes, smell the flowers
And the memories come back.
I'll lie down alone tonight
This one last time.
In the morning
I'm coming home.

The Fire

The sand under my feet
It’s so hot it burns
But to see that blue water
My spirit yearns
The waves lap the shore
So gentle and clear
And I know I’ll never
Come back here.
What’s sad is it’s not
For lack of desire,
For lack of need
But there is a fire.
A fire so fierce
That can’t be seen
Will erase this paradise
Will erase this scene.
The water quickly
Turns to steam
The seagulls fly away
I scream
The sand melts into
Shiny glass
And I get stuck
While my memories pass
Before my eyes
My fading eyes
I look up one last time
To see the blue sky
But it’s blue no more
It’s bloody red
And all the peace I had
Is dead.

The Line

With time, I find
That I cross the line
When logic outweighs tradition
And thought outweighs "His" words.
And I can see
The powers that be
Using the ways of the past
As a foundation, a crutch.
But I know
The way things go
Change will come with time
And we'll frown on our history.
In the present tense,
It doesn't make sense
That the elected tell
The voters who to elect...
That logic is censored
By one bigoted religion...
That fear has become
A substitute for reason...
These things aren't hidden,
They are quite clear,
But the benighted ones, always,
will be the heard ones i fear.
If i could go to a place
Where knowledge was king...
If i could just get a taste
Of truly being free.
I wouldn't have to cross the line...
The line would cross me.

The Benefits of Religion

Oh divinity sitting up on high
With cardinals flying below and by
As you purport to be some sort of solace
Yet, you give no reason why.

And as the summer sun falls from the sky,
The benighted spirits drop and cry
Because they know a cold winter's coming
And they will surely die.

So, you claim to be a friend,
That there's a beginning in the end
Just pay respect and pay a tithe
So as not the heavens to offend.

Thus, they throw their earnings in a pail
and drown their yearnings with your ale.
You tell tails tricking them to trust you
So their fear, or "faith", won't fail.

But, eventually, they become aware
That non-believers everywhere
Are surviving without caring
On the product of their prayer!

So they wage wars to spread the love
Of some wise, hollow voice above,
And as the doubters bury bloody babies
They bury all they once dreamt of.

They now know knowledge is a great concern
And that to reach paradise, they mustn't learn.
Now, they can be happy and blind
While the world, the world will burn.

Disappear

I see your thoughts.

I see your secrets.

I dive into

Your every move.

You can't escape this sordid fortune.

I won't let you.

I can't let it go.

You'd think I'd pity

Such a loss

And, really, I do.

It makes me cry.

I saw your picture and the feeling came back...

The way you were

When I knew you.

I run and hide

Among the shadows.

I feel empty.

You're so empty.

The switches blowing in the breeze

Trap me here.

They trap me.

So sweet,

I see it in your eyes.

The heart you had,

You made me smile.

But now so cold and repelling

You banish me

From your warmth.

The kiss

Was so soft,

Seemed so pure,

Felt so real,

But you closed your eyes to hide the lies.

Now I see them.

I can't feel.

The world

Will come tumbling,

Crumbling down

And we'll all disappear in the ashes.

I'll disappear.

I'll disappear.

The Stars

I’d look at the stars
If I only knew where to find them.
This lonely night is so, so cold.
My breath just clouds my view.
My footsteps echo on the empty pavement.
The sable palms filter the yellow street lights
And their grey fronds sing a sad song in the wind.
I can’t stop the pain of this emptiness
When there’s nobody here to hold me.
I sit in the sand on the side of the bay
And listen to the water.
Why don’t I know who I am anymore?
The things I worked so hard to find
Are the only things I’ve ever lost.
The things I’ve held on to so tight
Are the only things I’ve ever lost.
The people I love and care for most
Are the only ones I’ve ever lost.
The city lights on the black bay
Are so beautiful,
But I just wish I could find the stars.

Los narcisos y la charca

This is a sonnet that i wrote for my Spanish Literature class. I'm posting the original followed by the translation. (Note: daffodil is a type of narcissus flower)

Contando estrellas esta noche pura,
yo veo a algunos altozanos cubiertos
de narcisos amarillos, abiertos,
mirándose en alguna charca oscura.

¡Qué triste que perdieron la dulzura
de vida siendo seres tan inciertos!
Tan vanos que son que a aislados desiertos
han ido hasta incierta punta futura.

Es verdad que ellos son muy bonitos.
Mirarlos en la charca me ha atrapado;
Me condenan por ignotos delitos.

Veo a mi rostro humano avergonzado
cambiar en vanas flores en ramitos.
Mi propio reflexión me ha dejado.
-----------------------------------------------
Counting stars on this pure night
I see some hills covered
with daffodils yellow, open
looking at themselves in some dark pond.

How sad that they lost the sweetness
of life being beings so uncertain!
So vain that to isolated deserts
they've gone until some unknown future time.

It's true that they are very pretty.
Looking at them en the pond has trapped me;
They condemn me for unknown crimes.

I see my shamed human face
change into vain flowers on stems.
My own reflection has left me.

Your Star (4/17/08)

When days grow short and nights grow long

Look up and find a star.

A star that will shine down on you

No matter where you are.

Follow its light every night;

Let it take you far away.

And when you find a safe, new place

You can settle down to stay.

Then the sun will shine again

And the soft breeze, it will blow.

And it will bring you happiness

No matter where you go.

And even when you feel alone

And you can't get off the ground,

Just close your eyes and smile.

I'm your friend, I'll be around.

4/17/08

You

You came to me when I was alone.
I didn’t know who I was.
You smiled at me.
You kissed me.
You made me free for the first time in my life.
To trust was not something I knew
But I found it holding you.
The color of your beautiful eyes
Will burn forever in my mind.
Your lips so soft
And skin so smooth
I’m so lucky to have found you.
The fear I felt
Was unfair to you
But you loved me anyway
And I loved you.
Sweetly holding your hand in mine,
I finally started opening up
Like a flower facing the morning sun.
And though we’ll forever be apart
I’ll always hold you in my heart.

Moonlight

Scarlet moonlight in the night
Shining grimly, bloody, bright
Shakes the spirits in their fight
To end their everlasting flight.

Cemeteries hold no grave
Containing the hearts of the brave
Content in having tried to save
What little peace their short lives gave.

Though I thought I could survive,
There’s no way to get out alive.
Then into fire we all drive
And into fear we all will dive.

Bloody moonlight shining down
Bathing Earth in ghostly gown
Bright blue irises turning brown
And peasants wearing kingly crown.

Corpses blessed by cursed priests
Casting eyes on sun sets in the east
Crying babies cared for by the beast
Will cry until their days have ceased.

Moonlight shining down on me
Where I, now blind, will never see
The benefits of being free.
That’s something that I’ll never be.

The Beach (7/8/07)

I will watch the sun set. Yes! One more time
Before I go away from this beach of mine.
The yellow sand is growing old
And the once-blue water is growing cold.
Along the shore, a little, will I walk
And listen to the seagulls talk.
But then the big waves will come crashing down
And send them flying all around.
And under the moon, should I get lost on my way
Maybe on that lonely beach my body will stay.
But I won’t wait for night to come to an end,
For then another day would begin.
And lost and scared, to that lonely beach confined
I would lose what little is left of my mind.
I will follow the stars away from the sea,
Although the sea will call for me.
And never again will I sit on that beach
Where upon me the waves come crashing down.

7/8/07

The Wind's Song

I often lie alone at night
And listen to the breeze.
It sings such a sad and lonely song
As it passes through the trees.
A tired song of confusion and fear
Of deeds done so long ago
That sounds through the night skies
No matter where you go.
Sometimes it howls so angrily
And strips off all the leaves;
Much like the old oaks in the woods
My own heart rocks and heaves.
Will I not ever sleep again?
Will the wind's song never be silenced?
Or will the night keep it pleading
To from the darkness be free?